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CuddlingMy head on your chest-
listening to your heartbeat
and the soft wisps of your breathing-
I snuggle closer-
your arms hug me tighter
and you kiss my forehead-
is all I've ever wanted.
Eraser ShavingsThere's so many eraser shavings-
so many tears-
on my page,
there are no words
that can describe
there is only
pink eraser shavings
for my pain.
LivingIt began in middle school,
where you really don't know what to expect.
I walk into class-
I see these boys-
and my life was never the same.
There were four of them-
and one of me-
I hadn't said a word to any of them
yet they quickly found delight in
getting under my skin.
Nothing was good enough for them,
every single little hair and fleck of flesh
"Shut up, no one cares about you!"
they said worse things too-
Every day I faced their insults
and I found myself crying-
I walk into class-
the same tormentors!
And that year it wasn't just those boys,
girls joined them too-
in gym they aimed for my head and face
with basket and soccer balls,
cursing and spitting at me
the worst names they could think-
I don't know how many times I was beaten-
I close my eyes-
I begin to think-
perhaps they're right-
I wanted to be accepted,
I wanted them to leave me alone-
so if I was
Plucking PetalsI stand on the edge of the sea,
plucking petals from the flower
in my hands
as they fall and
drift out to sea-
will they bring my true love to me?
I WishI wish I could get you
off my mind-
I wish I could
I wish things were
like they used to be-
I wish that
you would love me.
ColorColor is only skin deep.
Peel that away,
and everyone has
the same bones
So why is it
that something only skin deep
lets us hate each other?
We are all human,
with feelings and rights,
our color does not define us.
It is only skin deep.
StrengthWhat is the one thing you hate most in this world?
Have you ever looked in the mirror
and wanted to
break it to bits
because of what you saw?
Have you ever gone days on end
without a single wink of sleep
because you keep
picking at your faults?
Have you ever gone days on end
without a single scrap of food
because someone told you
Have you ever let opportunities
slip on by you
because you don't believe
you're good enough?
Have you ever picked up a knife-
razor- or other sharp object
and took it to your flesh
because you're trying to test
if you can still feel?
Have you ever hated yourself
more than anything else
in this world?
I've been there too-
Living with yourself
is the hardest thing to do-
but through all the pain-
through all the times you could have ended it-
Why didn't you?
You are still here because
is worth staying here for-
So don't give up-
through all the pain, blood, and tears-
underneath you are
At the End of All ThingsAt the end of all things
will you stand by me?
When only harsh words exist
and all love is lost-
when Caring has fled
and our dreams are dead-
when the world burns in anger
and we're put to the test-
at the end of all things-
will you stand by me?
Foolish Heart.I'm a fragile thing.
I'm far more delicate than your mother's finest vase filled with artificial flowers and love to the brim.
I can shatter with the tiniest mistreatment.
I try to hide away in the darkest labyrinths; it's to keep myself safe.
I fear being broken once again.
I've been down that jagged path, I don't want to do it again.
But then a light finds my safe place; Awe replaces fear.
The light isn't so bad, it's soothing even.
For months we do this tango of love and grace.
I thought I could finally be safe again in the arms of a total stranger, who transformed into my lover.
Some things I didn't understand about you, but I let them go.
Your light was dangerous, it blinds from the truth.
I found that out far too late.
I'd fallen and shattered, and awaited for you to pick up the pieces.
Finally I realized that you never would.
You're empty inside; never to be satisfied.
Not even the deepest love could fill the holes in your heart.
I was a fool to fall and now I'm living with the
Where I'm FromWhere I'm From
I am from piggyback rides
And the fluffy stuffed animals that covered my bedroom floor.
I am from the messy sandcastles and slippery slides at Mason Park, Where I jumped from rock to rock.
I'm from that distasteful lake odor,
Where I tossed small pieces of bread into the water for the birds to eat.
I'm from the young, soft tabby cat
That once sat in my warm lap.
I am from the artistic hands,
That were passed down to me from my Great Grandpa Frank.
I'm from the completed books that I tossed in my opposite direction.
I am from the woody, aging trees
Whose branches I used to hang on.
I'm from the screaming,
The horrifying threats that awaited me at home
From my intimidating mother.
I am from the green Toyota,
That was sold for money to pay the bills.
I'm from covering my ears,
From closing my eyes,
Wishing this was all a dream.
I am from those moments
All the cherished memories fading away
Blown away in the fall wind.
My Deceitful EyesMany claim that the eyes reflect what is true
That they are a medium for what's inside you
But they are not as steadfast as we want them to be
They bluff, they betray, and they've mastered deceit
For my eyes have lied, they have led me astray
They showed me a man who would never walk away
They only reflected what I had wanted to see
Then life proved that he wasn't who I thought him to be
Missing YouThat wrenched feeling
Deep inside my heart
Whenever I see you
Hear your name
Hear your sweet sweet voice
My heart skips a beat
Making me feel light headed
It makes the world feel right
Makes the world feel like it's perfect
And nothing's wrong
But when you leave
My heart doesn't beat as fast
My heart doesn't skip a few beats
I hate that feeling.
The feeling when you're gone
I feel lonely
Like the world is about to collapse
Where ever I look I expect you to be there
To stand there and grin at me
Or to smile
Or say hi
It's just those little actions that can make me flip
Make my heart skip a beat
I miss you.
I should have seenI try
And I try
To be better
I try to be perfect
I want no fault
All for you
I only wish to be everything
And give you everything
I didn't know
I was hurting you
Again and again
You told me I was fine
There's nothing wrong
I should have understood
And accepted myself
We all have faults
It doesn't mean there's something wrong
I just wanted to reach the impossible
I wanted to be perfect
I should have seen
You love me
A broken world,
A civil war,
A shattered soul,
Of its own destruction.
But further within
A full heart,
A true smile,
A happy me.
Waiting to shine.
Why do you haunt me?Why does your memory haunt me so?
Causing me to relive that painful time.
That first moment when we weren't together.
It's like you taunt me at the best possible instances.
Bringing my "all time low" ever lower.
When my friends laugh and are having fun.
I am trying with all my might to hide my violent shutters,
and to steady my quivering lip as I can barely hold back the tears.
Why? Why do you want to cause me such pain?
I don't want to remember.
It's done and over.
Somehow I see you among a sea of faces.
I can pick out your voice in a babble of billions.
Your scent somehow appears and I can't rid my nose of it.
I know you aren't there but why does it seem like you are?
My friends don't realize the pain you put me through.
I'm used to wearing a mask.
But someday soon it's going to fall off.
Your memories will expose me for who I am.
Miserable, depressed, pathetic.
I thought I could leave past memories in the past.
But I was never really good at anything.
Why would I think I could
Beat Me Til I See HellRepeating, repeating, of a carnival beating,
There is no remorse, only laughter and cheating,
I've always loved all the people I've hated,
And always watching your heart become so berated,
Your filthy gods will spit in your throat,
Beg for forgiveness, so forgive you I won't,
Strangling, dangling,and asking for mercy,
Just beat me, just beat me, so that I may feel,
Reality is wrong, so show me what is for real,
Just beat me, and reap me,
Until I see hell..
Theres a, pretty little flower with your name on it,
In bloom and it's full of shit,
Forcefield is blocking,
And no one will stop me,
Before I push them all away...
Someone stop me,
Just drop me,
Theres a little, little, crack inside the window,
And it's my soul caught in a frame,
Something made me feel so black, this heart feels so gray,
Please just beat me, someone keep me,
Someone hate me, someone take me,
Just beat me,
Until I see hell...
You won't leave me alone,
Unless I leave you first, but I can't turn my back while
Love curseMy love curse.
I love you
I really do
But when I die
I do not want you to cry.
I want you to know,
I want you to see
That you have caged me
And i regret my vow
I never should have said
"Love is a mistake"
When you told me your heart I should take.
And make you think your love was fake.
I want to tell you
From the love I had
But then you would die
And leave me sad.
It is my curse from my red eye
I want you so much.
It makes me cry
I want to be able to love you as such
I Remember-Do You?I remember nights
when it was just you and I-
with no one to tell us
we couldn't be together-
When I cried
you held me tight,
when I shivered
you kept me warm,
and when I refused to smile
you sang me
the softest lullaby.
I remember how much
you loved me,
and I remember how much
I loved you-
because I still do.
I remember-Do you?
Keep in Touch!
Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More